#11. No one knows, I realize...

So.

Just a Dream - Nelly

 [2010]

I've had a change of heart. Although a fascinating concept, I don't think one can actually be unstuck in time. I thought maybe, just maybe, everything does happen all at once. But, all delusions aside, time does come and pass. We live then die after all, don't we? And no one is scientifically alive after they are dead.

The song Just a Dream by Nelly cleared the misconception of being unstuck in time. Although I've heard it many times before, when I heard it playing today at Adie-Knox during my swim instructor class, I was also thinking about S-5. Which led me to think about The Great Gatsby (I'll explain the relevance later on).

I was thinking about her,

thinking about me,

thinking about us,

what we gonna be?

Open my eyes, it was only just a dream.

So I travel back, down that road

When she come back?

No one knows, I realize,

It was only just a dream.

I had an epiphany.

For a brief moment, the lyrics made me nostalgic. So I was left to wonder: if everything happens all at once, we would not look back on the past. But we do. We regret certain things for a very long time before we learn to move past them. For some of us, it takes even longer. I don't travel back in time like Billy Pilgrim. And I'm pretty sure no one else does unless the entire world is keeping a secret from me. We can only revisit lost people and places in memories. Some people exist only in our memories, dead or alive. And because memories do exist, and because memories are poignant, life must not happen all at once.

I'm going to bring in an example from The Great Gatsby. The wealthy Jay Gatsby built his adult life around getting back with his ex-flame Daisy Buchanan. He joined the bootlegging business to make the money to impress her. Jay often reflects back to the breezy, calm night that Daisy was in his arms and the two were so in love. Gatsby gave up his morals and involved himself in illicit activities to chase that memory. He was blinded by the past and nourished the dream that he and Daisy could be in love again. Needless to say, that never did happen.

Now I'm in the club thinking all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love.

But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm going through it every time that I'm alone

And now I'm missing, wishing she'd pick up the phone.

But she made a decision that she wanted to move on

'Cause  I was wrong.

But let me paraphrase Vonnegut's words and say that the past, present and future has always been, and always will be. Jay Gatsby refused to accept that Daisy would never be able to love him the way he wanted her to, and that led to his untimely death.

I think there is a deeper message in Vonnegut's novel. He wasn't necessarily believing that time happens all at once. If we examine the history of his life, we realize he must have seen some pretty tragic things in his years as a soldier. There are things he wants to forget or wish had never happened. His coping mechanism for those times is to appreciate that although he had awful experiences, he had also experienced miracles and good times. The diamond stone that Billy found in his jacket and his time as a labourer in the malt syrup factory are examples of this. I am going to assume at this point that these events are highly autobiographical. Vonnegut was trying to convey the thought that we shouldn't dwell on what's happened, because it has happened, and always will happen. Fate has control of us in that sense. We shouldn't try to correct the past, but learn to live with it. He took the good and the bad with the mentality that whatever will be, will be.

 If you ever loved somebody put your hands up,

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up

And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything...